I've been extremely convicted of a lack of faith in God. Not only that, but in my trust as well. I realized the other day, as I was driving home from school, that I was expecting a "burning bush" type of experience in my lifetime. I sat there, baffled at the irony of the fact that the Lord himself says that he speaks in whispers. Like in the story of Elijah, when he listens for the Lord in earthquakes and mountains, but only hears him when the noise subsides.
Are we waiting for a burning bush?
11 And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake:
12 And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.
13 And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, "What doest thou here, Elijah?" 2nd Kings 11-13
I've been feeling pretty lost spiritually, and I wasn't sure what I was doing calling myself a Christian due to the way that I've been thinking, acting, and behaving.
So last night, I said a prayer.
I told God that I was ready to submit myself to Him. I told Him that I was tired of trying to run my life and that I wanted Him to mold me to be the person that I'm meant to be.
I've been reading Crazy Love, and today the chapter I'm in was addressing faith and trust in the Lord. And I know for a fact that I lack in these two BIG characteristics. "Be firm in your faith," the Lord has been telling me, and ultimately stating also that "faith without works is dead." The Lord already knows that I can't go by faith alone in this journey.
So I continued reading, and Francis (the author) is saying that we need to take baby steps towards obeying God. First, submit to your conscience, and that will take away A LOT of the confusion. Second, ACT on it.
So my first step? Taking this kid named Sean to his mom's office at work.
Basically, I contain major issues in my control. Pretty much meaning that I don't have any. I try to control what I cannot. I think it's safe to say that I'm really sick of trying to make myself feel better by doing things out of the reasoning that "I'm just not good enough." That's fruitless and only bears lies and deceit.
What I'm getting at is that I'm being reminded that The Lord's got my back. With that being said, He has yours as well. The Lord spoke to me today, but you could just as easily put your name where mine is and take something from it:
"Lauren, you know that as far as the east is from the west, So is my range of love for you. I am protecting you daily and nourishing you zealously. You need not worry about money concerning this trip (I was thinking about Haiti at the time). Don't you know who I am? I am God, Lover and creator of all things. All earthly and spiritual things. The chair that you're sitting in is MY design and those thoughts in your head are a part of MY heart as well. Lauren, I am SO jealous for you! Why can't you see the beautiful girl that I have crafted so intricately? Why must you insist to merely ATTEMPT to perfect MY already perfect creation? I will handle Haiti. I will handle your future. Your inquiry bears fruit and you are growing and pleasing me more and more. I love to see your beautiful face light up. I love it because you are cherishing my gift. You are using your life as it was intended to be used. Do you not fathom my power yet? Can you not see that what is inexplicable is 1st grade math for me-- if that??? Lauren, I want you to love those that you're struggling to embrace. Know that I am with you. Have confidence that I am God, Maker of the Universe. Always know that, and I will take care of the rest."
So what are we waiting for? A burning bush? Perhaps we are the burning bush. We just have to get there progressively. Like a staircase. Or something.
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Lauren, this is a really good post. I appreciate your ability to hear God, and I hope that you find much strength through that. You are a gifted writer.
ReplyDeleteEncouraging post, ironic how faith is convicting quite a few of us..
ReplyDeleteThanks Ev! I love your posts as well... You're hilarious.
ReplyDeleteAlin- I know right? I read yours the other day (which, by the way, was a VERY interesting perspective on things) and I was like "well dang. I feel the same with my faith..." Haha. Small world with some things!
word. but dont feel bad about expecting a burning bush. you are that important for Him to reveal himself in such a way. who was Moses when the Lord revealed Himself to him? He was a murderer who fled from his country and was shepherding sheep. he was a nobody. just like us. same thing with anyone one else in the bible. although it is not common for those things to happen (especially since we have the holy spirit and do not need those events) dont rule it out of your life. our god is spontaneous....
ReplyDeletelauren i love watching the Lord working in you and i love seeing you come to deeper realizations of who he is. he has so much more that he wants to reveal to you. its nuts. i love you lauren and im going to be praying that our Lord Jesus Christ would continually open your eyes wider and unveil your face to more and more glory and truth. test everything and use the discernment and wisdom from our Lord to know what's truth. many people will say things that sound good and sound like truth, but test things always. test me, test your thoughts, test your preachers and peers. the holy spirit will make the truth known, just ask for it.