What are We Waiting for? A Burning Bush?

I've been extremely convicted of a lack of faith in God. Not only that, but in my trust as well. I realized the other day, as I was driving home from school, that I was expecting a "burning bush" type of experience in my lifetime. I sat there, baffled at the irony of the fact that the Lord himself says that he speaks in whispers. Like in the story of Elijah, when he listens for the Lord in earthquakes and mountains, but only hears him when the noise subsides.

Are we waiting for a burning bush?


11 And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake:

12 And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.

13 And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, "What doest thou here, Elijah?" 2nd Kings 11-13

I've been feeling pretty lost spiritually, and I wasn't sure what I was doing calling myself a Christian due to the way that I've been thinking, acting, and behaving.

So last night, I said a prayer.
I told God that I was ready to submit myself to Him. I told Him that I was tired of trying to run my life and that I wanted Him to mold me to be the person that I'm meant to be.

I've been reading Crazy Love, and today the chapter I'm in was addressing faith and trust in the Lord. And I know for a fact that I lack in these two BIG characteristics. "Be firm in your faith," the Lord has been telling me, and ultimately stating also that "faith without works is dead." The Lord already knows that I can't go by faith alone in this journey.

So I continued reading, and Francis (the author) is saying that we need to take baby steps towards obeying God. First, submit to your conscience, and that will take away A LOT of the confusion. Second, ACT on it.

So my first step? Taking this kid named Sean to his mom's office at work.

Basically, I contain major issues in my control. Pretty much meaning that I don't have any. I try to control what I cannot. I think it's safe to say that I'm really sick of trying to make myself feel better by doing things out of the reasoning that "I'm just not good enough." That's fruitless and only bears lies and deceit.

What I'm getting at is that I'm being reminded that The Lord's got my back. With that being said, He has yours as well. The Lord spoke to me today, but you could just as easily put your name where mine is and take something from it:


"Lauren, you know that as far as the east is from the west, So is my range of love for you. I am protecting you daily and nourishing you zealously. You need not worry about money concerning this trip (I was thinking about Haiti at the time). Don't you know who I am? I am God, Lover and creator of all things. All earthly and spiritual things. The chair that you're sitting in is MY design and those thoughts in your head are a part of MY heart as well. Lauren, I am SO jealous for you! Why can't you see the beautiful girl that I have crafted so intricately? Why must you insist to merely ATTEMPT to perfect MY already perfect creation? I will handle Haiti. I will handle your future. Your inquiry bears fruit and you are growing and pleasing me more and more. I love to see your beautiful face light up. I love it because you are cherishing my gift. You are using your life as it was intended to be used. Do you not fathom my power yet? Can you not see that what is inexplicable is 1st grade math for me-- if that??? Lauren, I want you to love those that you're struggling to embrace. Know that I am with you. Have confidence that I am God, Maker of the Universe. Always know that, and I will take care of the rest."

So what are we waiting for? A burning bush? Perhaps we are the burning bush. We just have to get there progressively. Like a staircase. Or something.

It's About Time...

...To return to my faithful blog.

So many things have happened.

I went to Lynette's fashion show last night in the CAU gym. I feel about 30% cooler than I did before I came. I had an awesome conversation with her boyfriend, Nick, on the way there. Who knew that there were so many different kinds of people in the World? And for that matter, in Lilburn?! Sometimes I feel like people are hopeless... Then I realize that I'm just being naive... To everyone that may think that they'll "never find someone who understands them" or "a future spouse": Remember the saying "There's plenty of fish in the sea"? That saying is unbelievibly comforting and true. So don't be so pessimistic. Try being... Hm, I don't' know, patient? There are PLENTY of fishies in the sea... More than you probably want. Just branch out, leave your comfort zone. You'll be surprised where that takes you.

I guess I'll be going in reversed order with the things that I have been up to.

So, I got my nails (mani/pedi) done on Thursday for PROM 2010! Very exciting. I love being pampered. Who wouldn't?

Wednesday, I took pictures for the Grace Volunteer Luau. I thought that there would be about 30 people there.
There were about 1500 people present.
Mostly children under 8.
I had fun. :)

Tuesday was house church. I had wanted to go to KSU for transition, but it's so far away... Only about 4 months and I'll be chillin' on campus. :D

I'll skip Monday. It was iight.

AND SO, MIDTOWN on Sunday night! It was GLORIOUS! I went with Emilee. It was both of our first time. The message was powerful and the worship was blissful. The Lord is invading my heart. Though, isn't he always? I need to address that more. When I'm dry, I'M dry, not Him. Silly me. Silly us.

Forget my name.

Forget my age.

All that strays away-

Covered in veins and bones of ashen,

How different are we anyway?

My clothes, my hair, my skin, my face-

Distractions all too many.

Let’s cast down these masks and reveal ourselves.

Our similarities are much too plenty.

Strip the world of its abundant skins,

And see it how it was born.

Its purity and nakedness

Is beautiful, but slightly torn.

Strung away from what made what,

Everything was analogous.

Taken from it its sovereignty,

The world was swiftly powerless.

TMTH (From the great Danny Noriega of AI... Stands for "Too Much To Handle"

Some people put themselves through hardship. Without the Lord, we're all just spinning circles, constantly searching for everything but never finding anything.

It seems that I have stripped it from its meaning and ultimately lost the feeling, leaving nothing but an object laid out in front of me- left here to digest intricately and logically and only to obtain an information of sorts; but left me, unwillingly, back to the longing personality that I am so doomed to foresee and completely give in to.

Forgive me.

I am young and naive.

I have gone back and forth with even the decision to stay or to leave. It is ludicrous and even positively-- negative. Patiently, I should wait, but how can one do so deliberately? As if they can truly believe, but it is just that that they cannot achieve…

Or maybe it is just me. It is my struggle to be the slightest bit human and to love freely and openly-- as if to part the waves in a violent and troubled sea...

Some things are just too much to handle. Lighten up that burden. Destroy those false beliefs. Break those habits that break you down.

I am So Frustrated

Take this life for instance-

My heart throbs and bleeds passion, but my words are at a halt.

Of what do I have to blame?

This personality is hungry for something that simply isn’t.

Is it not?

A pessimist’s words are as monotonous as a lecture on biology-

Am I dissecting an issue to an insignificant degree?

Am I digesting unneeded and unnecessary information?

Lord, I am hungry for something that isn’t advertised on T.V.

I am starved for something that isn’t sugarcoated with extra drama,

Or even placated into a “happily Ever After” ending.

I am craving a pure experience.

I am longing for a longing for something.

I am in need for a purpose to fight.

I am in need for an outcome, a light at the end of the tunnel.

Take me there.

I see failures

On the streets,

In the halls,

And in the mirror.

I only see perfection in books.

I only see perfection when I don’t look at all.

And when I see no flaws, it is always only in You.

Strip me of my pride.

Spare me my faulty insecurities.

I am yours.

Though, I am also human-

Overtaken by desire and indulgences

And unfair conditions I am forced to deal with.

I am drowning in a sea of desire.

I am choking on the water of lust.

I yearn for ½ of you only so that I may stay sane.

Lord, but I hurt without you.

I see in black and white without your beauty.

I am a soldier, already too scared and tired to continue.

Am I too weak to wait?

Patience is far too hard a battle to fight when you’re on a different field.

Spring Break is dangerous. People feel like they have to rebel just to have fun. Ugh, even I fell into that fruitless hole. I'm spent, done, whatever...
I'm going to KSU today. I'm so excited.

Deceit

I have seen, felt, heard-
But known of nothing at all.
It is all backwards.

People are So Misunderstood

What's up with this belief that if you're not famous, you're not worthy of recognition; or if not that, not even talented at all? As far as I'm concerned, I've met some of the most talented people out there. We're all the same; stop believing that "because 'you're you' you're not."

Don't get me wrong. If I met John Mayer, I'd go nuts. I think he's way overrated and underrated all at the same time. Too many girls drool over him and too many boys set him aside as some talentless pretty-boy. There are many people out there that know he's talented, I know. I have to say though, do you really know? Most of his capacity (which has, granted, probably not been exposed to the public) is in his concert performances when he shreds. He is genius. He's raw, smooth, and captivating. Not only is he all of these things, but more. And he wouldn't be any of this either if it wasn't for Steve Jordan (the drum player of his trio set) and Pino Palladino (the bass player). It's the pieces that make the whole magnificent. Which is why I would be honored to meet him and his trio members (if possible, the band set too, but beggars can't be choosers). If I could, all I would ask is to take pictures of them playing music. Him, his trio, and his band. Preferably when they were practicing, because I know that's when anyone's music is most powerful. Although a crowd can be incredible, I think that's what I'd prefer. Anyways, all this to say, who are we to belittle ourselves just because we don't have our own DVD? Who are we to complain about "not being noticed?" Even in the "Where the Light Is" John Mayer DVD, he expresses his disappointment in the press and the public. They ask questions, wanting "the whole story;" but when they've heard the parts they want, they manipulate it and believe that that's the whole thing. It's not! Dare you who wish to make it big, dare you risk a skewed reputation? When it comes down to it, you've got to love what you do. Not what comes out of. Because what comes out of it is nothing that you want. Do you really need to see disappointment to know that that's not what you want?

Life's a Vapor

Cherish it.
Live it.
Enjoy it.
Love it.
Seek it.
Worship He who created it.
Encompass it.
Be in awe of it.
Take it in.
Understand it's fragility.
Realize it's power.
Claim it.
It is alive.
He is alive.
He is alive in you.
Receive it.
Receive Him.
Receive life.
Receive love.

You're beautiful.

You never know when He may shake the ground that which you cannot control.

What is inner beauty?
Inner beauty exceeds pride. it boasts itself without having to be noticed. It's when someone is in complete peace with who they are and are unashamed with what they believe in. it's the expression of oneself in it's purest form. When your so true to yourself, even those on the outside looking in are drawn to you. And the most important part about it is you don't even intend for that to happen, because who you really are doesn't need reassurance. Who you really are is gorgeous.

So why are we afraid to show it?
Maybe it's because we don't believe in our capacity.

Topic of the Week

Is this

Just the topic of the week

Another trend, so to speak

A picked up pulse or switched up beat

That covers up what you can’t keep?

It’s hard to stay at bay sometimes when shadows are so willing

To take you to that place you want, but timing’s just the shilling

It’s hard to see the plea sometimes when light is under cover

You’ll pay in full but blinded, say: “I only lost a dollar.”

Are you

Just in love with the thrill

Another high or way to chill

A way of life or coping still

That covers up what you can’t fill?

It’s hard to see the God in you, this World- it gives no mercy

On top of that, I trust in you that you just need to foresee

The hope you know will take you there without this dust that promises

Nothing but an unsolved mess that begs to halt this busyness

Was that

Just another way of covering

This emptiness that’s hovering

Or confusion that’s just smothering

Turning these things to nothing?

It’s easy to get caught in this- I’ve been engulfed myself

But I could not complete that book- I put it on the shelf

The information, I’d attack- like a child that was starving

And like that child, I would eat until I started barfing

Am I

A novice to this higher level

From this game that’s of the devil

Just a scrub that feels disheveled

Who knows quite little of this rebel?

It’s easy to assume that I am just as guilty

I do in fact have blood stains on my hands, so I am filthy

But is it strange that I have shifted my mentality

And out of that, I’ve seen a path… or maybe I’m just happy

Are we

Way too polar with what we preach

Indecisive with what we teach

Or just confused if we can reach

A reasoning to stop this speech?

Sometimes the only thing to do is take the hard

solution

And if that doesn’t register, then check what you’ve been doing

Journalists are masochists, their columns- full of hardship

So why succumb to poison by the switching of your topic?

Some burdens never lighten up.